Important Questions to Ask Your Surrogate at the Match Meeting

One of the most exciting steps of a surrogacy journey is the moment when intended parents and surrogates come together for the first time, face-to-face: the match meeting. This meeting not only marks the beginning of a profound connection but can also pave the way for a remarkable partnership. 

It’s natural for both parents and surrogates, perhaps accompanied by their respective partners, to experience a mix of anticipation and nervousness. But at the core of it all, there’s an undeniable sense of excitement that binds everyone involved in this extraordinary experience.

In this blog post, we’ll discuss some key questions you’ll want to ask to help you make the most of this unique opportunity to connect with your potential surrogate.

The matching process

At Fairfax Surrogacy, our matching process is unique in that we only present intended parents with fully vetted surrogates. This means we have already completed their records review internally, conducted a criminal background check on her and her partner, completed the psychological testing and interview by a mental health professional, and run lab testing for STDs and a full pre-pregnancy panel. In addition, we send the records for review to the IPs’ fertility clinic prior to the match.

During the matching process, we go the extra mile to understand you and the valuable information you shared with us during the consultation process. Once we know your criteria, we will present you with a profile of a potential candidate to consider. Our surrogates get the first choice, and you will receive a profile of a surrogate who has already chosen you and has been approved to proceed. With your invaluable input, you can choose to meet the surrogate or move on to another candidate. It’s a collaborative process that allows you to make a choice that resonates with your unique circumstances and desires.

To facilitate a genuine connection and enable a deeper understanding between the intended parents and the gestational carrier, we then organize a match meeting. This gathering brings together the gestational carrier and her partner or spouse, intended parent(s), and one of our team members. It’s a time for everyone to get to know each other better, fostering trust and building a strong foundation for the exciting journey ahead. This match meeting is then followed by a group meeting moderated by a mental health professional to cover more serious topics and provide additional education on how to handle unexpected situations that may arise.

Questions to ask your surrogate

Getting to know a surrogate before you finalize things is vital. After all, this person will be bringing your baby into the world. You’ll have a lot of questions to ask to ensure she’s the right person to partner with for your surrogacy journey.

Below are some questions you may want to ask to ensure an ideal match:

  1. Why did you decide to become a surrogate?
  2. What are your views on termination and selective reduction?
  3. Have you had any complications in previous pregnancies?
  4. What kind of communication do you prefer during the surrogacy journey?
  5. What type of relationship do you want to have with us?
  6. What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?
  7. Who is your support network?
  8. How involved would you like us to be during your pregnancy?
  9. How do you envision our relationship after the delivery?
  10. Are you willing to pump? (If you should want to feed your child breast milk)
  11. Are you open to -? (this could be where you ask important things, such as allowing you to be in the delivery room, certain vaccinations or prenatal tests, etc.)

Why is asking these questions important?

The match meeting is an opportunity to explore her motivations, experiences, and expectations, ensuring that her values align with yours. Asking questions during the match meeting also enables you to establish clear and open lines of communication right from the start. 

By delving into these topics, you can also address any concerns or uncertainties you may have. It’s natural to have inquiries about the surrogate’s medical history, lifestyle, and support network. Openly discussing these matters allows you to make informed decisions and ensure that you have the utmost confidence in your chosen surrogate.

Asking questions paves the way for open communication, aligning expectations, and building trust—all crucial elements for a successful surrogacy journey that brings joy and fulfillment to all parties involved.

Additional tips for the match meeting

Because surrogacy is such an intense process, getting to know one another can make a huge difference in your success and comfort levels.

Here are some additional tips to help you prepare for your match meeting:

  1. Bring a list of questions to ask
  2. Being open and honest about expectations
  3. Take notes during the meeting
  4. Ask follow-up questions if needed

Also, while it’s acceptable to ask general lifestyle questions and habits, it’s best not to give a list of requirements. Ultimately, the surrogate will need to follow whatever the medical professions advise, but giving her specific instructions isn’t the best way to build an open, trusting relationship.

Lastly, remember to relax, be open, and be friendly. These match meetings can be nerve-racking as they entail making a big decision, but honesty is important. So, be yourself!

Take the first step on your surrogacy journey

The match meeting is a pivotal moment that sets the foundation for a successful surrogacy journey. At Fairfax Surrogacy, we understand the significance of this connection and strive to facilitate an environment where intended parents and surrogates can forge a deep bond based on trust and understanding. 

We encourage you to reach out today and take the first step toward realizing your dreams of parenthood. Our dedicated team is here to guide you through every stage of the process and help you find the perfect surrogate match!