The journey to parenthood through assisted reproduction is filled with emotion, hope, and critical decisions. For intended parents, choosing egg donors or surrogates can feel overwhelming—both practically and emotionally. This decision is one of the most meaningful steps in the family-building process.
Lisa Schumann, founder of the Center for Family Building, shares valuable guidance for intended parents navigating the complex path of choosing egg donors or surrogates. Drawing from her professional expertise and personal experience, Lisa emphasizes the importance of balancing facts with emotional readiness.
The Emotional Journey and Importance of Support
Lisa knows firsthand how emotional the process of choosing egg donors or surrogates can be. Feelings of grief, loss, or reduced self-worth are common for those who expected a different path to parenthood. Without emotional support, these feelings can cloud judgment during a time when clarity is most needed.
Lisa encourages intended parents to seek counseling, talk with others who’ve been through similar journeys, and avoid isolating themselves. Getting support ensures that the decision-making process—especially when choosing egg donors or surrogates—is rooted in both knowledge and emotional stability.
Getting Started with Choosing Egg Donors or Surrogates
When beginning the process of choosing egg donors or surrogates, Lisa recommends looking at two different sets of criteria:
-
With egg donors, prioritize genetics, health history, and medical compatibility.
-
With surrogates, lifestyle alignment, values, and expectations matter most.
It’s easy to be swayed by physical traits or convenience, but Lisa reminds us of that long-term compatibility—whether with a donor’s genetic background or a surrogate’s communication style—is far more important in creating a successful match.
Common Misconceptions When Choosing Egg Donors or Surrogates
One of the biggest myths Lisa addresses is that a donor’s appearance guarantees similar traits in the child. In reality, genetics are complex, and many traits may never express themselves. When choosing egg donors or surrogates, Lisa urges parents to focus on what truly matters: health history, emotional readiness, and shared values.
She also debunks the idea that a surrogate must live nearby. In most cases, having a strong agency and good communication is more important than proximity. These factors are key to a smooth journey when choosing egg donors or surrogates.
Coping with the Waiting Period
The waiting period—whether you’re waiting for the perfect donor profile or surrogate match—can be stressful. But Lisa encourages intended parents to stay grounded. The right fit may take time, but rushing the process can lead to regrets.
Instead of fixating on what’s out of your control, Lisa suggests staying busy with activities that spark joy and self-worth. Journaling, exercising, redecorating your space, or even cooking something new can offer a sense of progress while you wait. These small wins help keep you emotionally balanced while choosing egg donors or surrogates.
Decision-Making Tips for Choosing Egg Donors or Surrogates
When presented with several promising profiles, how do you make the final choice?
Lisa suggests beginning with objective criteria like medical history, psychological readiness, or lifestyle. Once those boxes are checked, tune into your gut instincts. Sometimes the right person “just feels right.” Blending logic with emotion is a powerful approach to choosing egg donors or surrogates wisely and confidently.
Navigating Differences Between Partners
It’s completely normal for partners to have different views or emotional responses during the process of choosing egg donors or surrogates. Lisa emphasizes that these differences can be addressed respectfully through open, honest dialogue. Listening to each other’s priorities and creating space for discussion helps strengthen the partnership through this shared experience.
Using objective metrics as a baseline can help both parties come back to the core question: “Who is the best fit for our family?”
Choosing egg donors or surrogates is one of the most important decisions intended parents will make—and one that deserves thoughtful care. With support, patience, and the right guidance, the process becomes more manageable and even empowering.
Lisa Schumann’s insights remind us that this journey isn’t just about medical checklists—it’s also about human connection, emotional resilience, and clear values. Whether you’re early in the process of finalizing your match, stay centered on what matters most to you and your family.
When choosing egg donors or surrogates, balance facts with feeling. Stay supported. And remember, this is about building the family you’ve dreamed of—with intention, care, and hope.